And now it's hard to not go topless

What a week. Not this week, though that's shaping up to be quite interesting. But I spent last week in the company of nifty people, enjoying wonderful scenery and each other. Best holiday I've had in a long time.

Rather than go through the week in detail, I'm going to jot down my general impressions. For me the main theme of the week was pushing boundaries - it bears mentioning (because I can scarcely believe it) that my Lady and I have only known each other little more than a month before taking this trip together. I'm scared with just how fast things have become natural with her. At the same time, it's an amazing feeling, being with someone who just 'gets' you, not having to explain the way you think, what thought processes are going on, or how particular ideas are arrived at.

With that in mind, I'd never before done many of the things I did last week. Even walking around topless was a stretch for me, but one I very much enjoyed. At first, it was a sop to sensibility - after carting things up the hill to our holiday abode I was so hot it made for a good excuse. More than that though, the feeling of doing something I wouldn't otherwise... it was definately intoxicating.

That led to doing other things, some which make sense as boundaries - scening in front of others for instance. I never was entirely comfortable with having an audience, but being able to do it is an incredible feeling. Other boundaries were less obvious - being able to talk completely open and honest to my Lady, without self-censoring or being guarded about what I say is still something that's new to me. Scary, and good all bundled up into one.

Kink wise, I loved the electricity play. I'd tried a violet wand before, but never more than a sample, and my Lady made sure I got a full taste. The tens machine was a great new experience, and I ended up with not one but three of them strapped to me. I'm still smiling at that memory.

Really though, I think the biggest scene was one that lasted the entire week. I was my Lady's submissive. I got to fully involve myself in that role, and live in the sub-space of being hers. I think that was what enabled me to push so many boundaries... while I was being a companion, I wasn't spending the mental reserves I usually do to hold my head above water socially. And then I discovered that I don't have to, and I can float perfectly well.

An excellent holiday.

Wow, it's been just over two weeks since I last posted an entry. And a very busy two weeks at that.

As I sit here writing this I can feel the weight of the chain my Lady gifted me around my neck. It isn't constricting. It isn't heavy. But it's there. And every time I move I can feel it pressing against my skin.

Things have progressed somewhat since my last entry. My Lady and I have had a number of meetings and discussions and I'm amazed at just how well we get on. I would say this isn't a typical dom/sub relationship, but I don't know what a typical dom/sub relationship is. If indeed one exists. What I do know is that since falling headfirst into this rabbit hole (by choice, mind you) I feel like I've been drawn into something larger, something potentially scary. But at the same time I don't want it to end.

So what has gone on... I've met other members of the local scene. There was a 'Tasting' evening - a BDSM sampler of various activities. My Lady was demonstrating firecupping and while she'd explained it to me I didn't really understand it until seeing it. While it's something I've never considered before, the idea intrigues me now that I've witnessed it. I think it's because I'm a very curious person, and even if I end up not enjoying it I'd like to experience the sensations at least once.

This has been my attitude for a lot of things recently.

I also got to see a vacumn bed in action, which looks like something I'd definately enjoy trying. One of the things I like about bondage is the feeling of confinement, and the vac bed takes that to its logical extreme. Plus I think it would be neat to be surrounded by skintight latex and unable to determine from where the next sensation is going to come.

Electricity play is something I've always been facinated with. I've experienced it a little, in the past, and I got to try another sample. While not something my Lady is interest for her own reasons, I like it. I think it's the geek factor - electricity is cool. And flashy. And the sensations are quite different.

There was also a general bondage demonstration. Intricate rope bondage looks very pretty, and seeing the model getting tied up and suspended was quite asthetically pleasing. But I think I'm more about the sensation - I can understand being constricted by cuffs or rope, for the purposes of restraint. But bondage for bondage sake is something which falls a bit flat with me.

Finally, I was presented to a number of individuals within the scene. That's really the best way to describe it - my Lady introduced me to her friends, and I did my usual quiet, shy routine while draping myself over her shoulders. It was nice being in a social situation in a very defined role - and having that sense of place made things much less stressful for me.

Last night I took my Lady to dinner. Or she took me to dinner. Or I accompanied her... the terminology isn't quite clear. We both went to the same place and there was food? One thing I really appreciate is that I'm not just a play toy. Not that I dislike being a play toy, but I like being seen as so much more. To that end, we dined together. I'm still working on the little things - making sure my Lady's drink is topped up, opening doors and pulling out her seat, taking her coat. But these are things I want to do. Not just because they're good manners, but because they show respect. Ultimately, our relationship has an unequal power balance. But that is because I chose to give up some autonomy for the sense of safety and comfort which comes with that loss of autonomy.

Does that make sense?

Finally, my Lady bestowed upon me a gift - the aforementioned chain around my neck. Not a collar, as we aren't at that stage yet. In my perspective, we're still feeling each other out, deciding if we are compatible. We've certainly been quite compatible thus far, and I have a very good feeling about this.

Introduction

Welcome to my corner of the internet.

I created this blog to chart my experiences exploring the world of BDSM as a submissive, primarily for My Lady. I plan to record what happens during my journey, thoughts and insights - so My Lady can get an understand of what is going through my head; what works for me and what doesn't.

I'm a lot more communicative in writing than I am in person - this stems from social anxiety issues. In late 2009 I decided I would like to experience life, rather than just read about it. Fortuitously, I was contacted at about that time by a woman looking for a submissive to take under her wing. A bit of communication later and we ended up meeting for coffee.

One thing led to another, and last week I found myself experiencing things I'd since then only read about online, including escorting her out and being tied to her bed. There's a huge difference between knowing about something, and feeling it.

After our first play session I was a bit shaken, but in a good way. For one thing, I'd come through an experience like that without anything too terrible happening (aside from a few yummy bite marks). The world didn't collapse, my overblown fears didn't come to pass.

But in another sense, it really confirmed to me that yes, I am a submissive. I enjoy sinking into this role, not having to worry about anything other than pleasing My Lady, focusing on meeting her demands.

So that's an introduction. Who I am will hopefully come out in the course of this blog. More mundane details about my life will be kept anonymous for obvious reasons. Next time hopefully I'll be writing about the expectations I have, both for My Lady as dominant and on myself as submissive.